The Dark Side Of Wuhu Island

April 26, 2010 at 9:03 pm | Posted in Gaming Article | 3 Comments
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Wuhu Island may have seemed like such a cheery place to live, with rolling green hills, crystal clear, blue water ways and filled with pleasant, balloon-holding citizens. But as this special report shows, life on Wuhu Island isn’t all it appears to be…

You may have taken a flight or two over Wuhu Island and had your breath taken away by its glorious vistas and stunning locations. Taking to the skies and plotting a path from the sparkling waters around the harbour to the majestic volcano rising up from the middle of the Island is an enriching experience and is currently one of the hottest holiday activities around. But there is a darker side to the Island, one which the Island tourist board is keen to brush under the carpet. We sent our reporters to Wuhu Island to investigate rumours of dissent amongst the Island population. All residents’ identities have been changed due to fear of repercussions from the totalitarian Island government.

The first Mii we spoke to was Frank. For five years Frank had a great career working as a lane attendant at the Islands bowling alley in the centre of town until he became the victim of a vicious hate campaign waged against him by the mayoral office after the mayor was denied a match-winning 100-pin strike during a charity match with visiting officials from the Mushroom Kingdom. Frank told us that officers from the local police force would regularly harass him and his family. “I became an outcast in the town so we had to move, but the housing situation in Wuhu is so bad we had to rent a hotel room on the golf course. It’s costing a fortune and we’re not a high income family.”

But it hasn’t always been like this. Debbie, the editor of the underground Newspaper ‘The Truth at Dawn’ told us “The troubles started about a year ago when we hosted a series of running events around the Island. It was quite nice to get a few visitors to the Island, you know, to see some new faces and all that. But after that the tourist board received some funding from an unnamed source, which we believe to be a major software company. We suddenly found ourselves in the middle of a rebranding exercise as the government became obsessed with pushing Wuhu as the ideal holiday location for sports enthusiasts. Then all of a sudden we had to take part in sports round the clock, day in day out.”

Another resident who didn’t wish to be filmed told us “We are forced to take part in sport events every single day. When I moved here I was impressed by the daily exercises but now after several months the strict regime is taking its toll. I just want to have a day off now and then – my arm aches from all the Frisbee tournaments – but it’s not possible when the police routinely check our houses for no-shows. This week alone I’ve had to take part in an all-day archery session followed by a gruelling cycle ride around the island. Tomorrow I’ve got to fly around the Island non-stop in a plane; I don’t even know how to fly.”

Frank bemoaned the lack of variety of sports available: “the government is very narrow-minded in the choice of activities. I personally don’t like any of the sports we have to take part in, I’m more of a tennis man, but they won’t let us play tennis. It’s very strange – we have tennis courts, very nice tennis courts in fact, but we can’t use them.”

Debbie was equally unhappy about the amount of sports forced upon residents. “have [the government] never heard of the maximum 48-hour working week? Since we’ve been made to take part in all the events the Island’s economy has flustered. With everyone on the Island on a fun run or cycle ride, we don’t have anyone left to man the shops. The only ones that have stayed open are those selling sports equipment to the tourists and those are run by the government themselves.” That must have taken a toll on the existing infrastructure, we enquire. Debbie is scathing in her response, “we had a prosperous fishing industry but that’s stopped now all the fishermen have become golf caddies. The farming has also come to an end; instead of preparing and harvesting crops the government pays our farmers to stand around holding balloons all day, it’s just ridiculous”

Despite welcoming visitors to the Islands and the cheerfully bright exterior it’s keen to promote, the government remains very xenophobic and wish to control any foreign media working in the area. Our reporters came under suspicion from local officers and had to abandon several interviews when pro-government Miis tried to stop our activities. The Island tourist board is also enthusiastic to highlight the more interesting locations around Wuhu, like the lake, wind farm and broken down vehicles. But there are some places they are less keen for explorers to discover.

Frank revealed “The Island sewage works pumps waste straight out into the sea, the pipes are hidden from the tourists and disguised to look like natural rock formations. Thanks to the increase in tourism our fragile infrastructure just can’t cope with the extra waste so the government has taken to secretly dumping excess sewage in the sea after dark. The situation has gotten so bad that we can’t spend time at the beaches without getting ill.”

Debbie told us: “it’s all fake, all a front; like the Truman show, but with more sports. The volcano is billed as a major attraction but it’s been dormant for centuries; likewise the whale watching, we haven’t had whales in the area since the government carved a deal with Norwegian and Japanese fishing companies for exclusive whaling rights in our waters. What the tourists see is just an animatronics puppet”

We asked Frank if he’ll ever think about leaving the Island he’s called home for the last twenty years. “A year ago I’d have said to you I’d never leave this Island willingly, but we’re really thinking about trying to get out of here.” We heard stories about secret groups smuggling unhappy residents off the Island in cargo vessels and Frank explained why some residents had taken to such a desperate and highly dangerous move. “It’s hard to escape the Island. We don’t have an airport for a start and the only cruise-ship we have here is non-functioning. Plus the planes the government give us only have enough fuel for about five minutes flight-time so we can’t use them to escape.”

We asked the government about the accusations but they declined to comment. Instead we were given a standard press release from the PA at the tourist board:

• Wuhu Island has so many things to do, there’s never a dull moment. A dozen activities await visitors: Archery, Frisbee®, Basketball, Cycling, Canoeing, Power Cruising, Table Tennis, Air Sports, Bowling, Swordplay, Golf and Wakeboarding.
• Each activity has multiple fun challenges designed to keep visitors coming back for more. Basketball players might compete in a three-point shootout or jump into a three-on-three pickup game. Archery enthusiasts must aim for the bull’s-eye across ever-increasing distances and obstacles.
• Depending on the activity, players can compete solo or against other players. Some activities even let players team up to work cooperatively.

We sincerely hope this report can force the government to make changes to benefit the lives of the Islanders. We encourage anyone visiting the Island to make a stand against the cruel regime being inflicted on the residents.

This article has been dedicated to Frank who disappeared shortly after our reporters left the Island.

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  1. June 27, 2011.
    Breaking News from The Wuhu-Wedge Islands Times:
    Now that there is a new mayor in Wuhu Island, he decided to let Wuhu Island protesters who want to leave, let them leave. Having them add more fuel to the seaplanes. In addition, Mayor William decided he will add an airport in Wuhu Island and Wedge Island. The Wuhu Island International Airport, will not only relive visitors for them not to skydive (unless if wanted on their bucket list), but will skyrocket the island’s population. It will also add more airlines from all over the world to visit this island, including JAL and ANA from Japan. Wuhu Island-Wedge Island International will bring regional carriers to the island, like Allegiant and Spirit Airlines, and coming soon, Southwest. Mayor William also says for Wuhu Island to stop forcing Miis and people from having to go to sporting events, and that they can go wherever they please. They can still play sports in their own leisure and can participate in charity events for sports at anytime whenever they want, which is bringing the population back up. After that, he managed to talk with Barack Obama on taking back the whaling rights deal from Norway and Japan to the USA. Then, America will scrap the deal and replace it with a new one. One that will protect the whales and not harm them. The USA will put 4 whales in Wuhu Island waters to repopulate the whale population in the island and leave them be, although it will take time for the whales to reproduce. Mayor William said to the State of the City, “If you love living here, then stay, if you don’t, just leave, now that we don’t mind, because I will change things for this island.” He also managed to fix The Queen Peach, which not only goes to the Mushroom Kingdom, but now to Port Everglades in Miami. The makers of the Queen Peach, Nintendo announced they will be making a cruise liner, including the Queen Peach. All 4 cruises will go from Mushroom Kingdom, the “Nintendo Cruise Line’s” flagship port. The Queen Daisy will go from Mushroom Kingdom to Wuhu Island and Port Canaveral, near the Kennedy Space Center in Florida, The Queen Zelda from Mushroom Kingdom to Wuhu Island, Hyrule, and/or The Manhattan Cruise Terminal, and The Queen Rosalina from Mushroom Kingdom, to Wuhu Island and Port Tampa Bay. Now that the new mayor addressed, answered and fixed the islanders complaints, this island will live a little happier. For the better of the environment, William managed to have a seperate sewage treatment center 5 miles away, in an artificial island, with cargo ships taking sewage away from the island and having a sea wall dividing sewage from the ocean, which will expected to be open in 2016. For now, wildlife officials and the community are voluntarially working together to clean the island’s beaches up with a temporary sewage treatment plant between Wedge Island and Wuhu Island, which officials will clean up after the new plant is open, one of the first ever in the whole world. Now with all the tourists about to come, William is planning to make Wuhu Beach, in addition to Sugarsand, Starry, and Sweet Beaches. Wuhu Beach will not only include the Cocoba Hotel, but will also include many other hotel brands from the U.S. and around the world and some independent ones too. The Whale Shark will not need to settle landing in the Evergreen Forest and harming it’s wildlife, as it is now relocating to Firework Launch Site #2 in Starry Beach, and this will also include a new hangar and a new owner, DirecTV, which will determine by corportate and public vote if it should change it’s look from Wii to either DirecTV or Wii U. Farming may have ended in Wuhu Island, but foods are coming in from mainland USA and other parts of the world and giving culture back into the 2 Island Archipelago. Now the government of Wuhu Island is friendly and allows people to play tennis again near the Cocoba Hotel for free, and to prevent another “dog accident” from happening again, William has put a no dogs allowed rule (except toy dogs that can’t fully manage to get tennis balls, like for instance, Yorkies) in the tennis courts, which is “not good for dog owners, but it is worth it”, as William said. Also, they don’t need to take part in sports, whether they are good at it or not, and are also not forced to by the government, which is now a law here on this and on Wedge Island. Wedge Island will also get some popularity too, when the PGA has it’s first annual Wedge Island Golf Tournament, which will bring tourists to both islands as well as the new airports and new non-strict guidelines. Now, forced runners and cyclists can finally get their good night rests. Now, we saw Frank from the Underground Report’s prior article and he said that “After William was elected into office, I feel a lot safer now. I am now decided to reapply as a lane attendant.” He also said that new Mayor William has made the island a lot more happier. Now, if we could ever find out the Ancient Ruins mystery from the Monuments to inside Sea Serpent Cavern that’s door leads up to it. Now that is possible after letting historians and explorers find out for themselves.

  2. Did you remove my comment, because it ruined the whole story?

  3. NVM, computer renders too slow.


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